Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Smell My Finger

made you look!

Humoring Octamom

I am a little afraid of Octamom. She is one o those women, that I would consider to be quite a bit further on her way to the CK than anybody I actually know. For one, she has multiplied and replenished twice what I have ( not that its a contest or anything ;) ) She HOMESCHOOLS ( my personal Hell on Earth) and she wears apple green pushup bras. (really, check her quirk list!) Anyways, I'm humoring her today by participating in listing my quirks. Let us see just how quirky I am.

1. I like prime numbers...so Sorry, Octamom, takin' this post back to 7 quirky things about me.

2.I clean my kitchen before I cook dinner. ( Then I clean it again after dinner is through)

3. I speak with an unidentifiable accent. I don't know why I do this, and it seems to be related to stress somehow. I don't hear it, but two weeks ago when life was spiraling out of control all around me, three different people in three different places asked me "where are you from? I can't quite place your accent." I used to get that question ALOT when I was in my single mom days, thus the idea that its stress related.

4. I shower in a specific order...Washing off the Alice Cooper eyes is 4th in the order.

5. I don't place my heel on the floor board when driving. I didn't even know that was what everyone else does until I complained my leg was so tired from keeping it lifted all day when driving. My husband said, why is your leg in the air? It should be on the floor board. ( I'm not sure that's really a quirk though, I think its a function of being only 5'4")

6. I frequently walk into doorways. NO, not the way you're supposed to enter, I actually walk into the door-jams and bruise myself.

7. I absolutely, positively cannot put on my makeup until my teeth are brushed. Then, I start with lipstick first.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Does this look like food to you?

Cuz if it does, then I guess I can say that Lily-bear actually ate dinner tonight. That is of course, only if you count the afore mentioned picture as actual food.
See, I have a serious aversion to this mass of coagulated food additives and flavorings. I for one, don't consider it to be real food. However, after over a week of hearing "I'm hungy I'm hungy" at least 4,558 times per day, even though proper meals were offered at every meal, plus snacks...I broke down. Or rather, Daddy broke down and went to the store and bought 6 boxes of this stuff that cooks in 7 minutes and only very slightly resembles pasta with cheese sauce. Finally, silence....oh, beautiful silence. And all it took was a single $0.50 box of food not exactly fit for a princess.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Stripper Pole Sunday

Its Sunday, and I can't wait to get to church and see the parade of denim or khaki ankle length skirts accompanied by stripper shoes. Its great.

disclaimer: I will admit, MY ward is not really following this trend, we are much too hip and fashionable, or is it sensible?

Friday, September 26, 2008

We Speak Cave Dweller

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Take a Look at This

http://www.catholicvote.com/
My mother NEVER sends forwards, I mean NEVER-EVER. So when I saw this link in a forwarded e-mail from her, I figured there was a good reason why she forwarded this e-mail. So check this out. It is produced by a faith based organization other than my own, but I absolutely, positively agree with this message and hope you will share it with others.

Monday, September 22, 2008

She's FLABULOUS~!

"Don't worry, the fat pig will do fine
thanks to this flabbo-dynamic spandex
bodysuit I've designed. "-Professor Farnsworth, Futurama
Sought after for its sleek sillouhette and heart pounding, death-defying limbo trick enabling stunt protection; the flabbo-dynamic spandex bodysuit has yet to be found in any department store nearby, and I NEEEEEED one. I do, really I do, or maybe I don't. Maybe I just need to invest in a healthy diet and regular exercise. Everybody says, "you have 4 kids, you look great"..um, I'm OBESE with a capital O ( and a Capital B,E,S and E) True, we're not talking morbid obesity...yet...but I am actually, technically, medically OBESE. And I'm afraid that even the flabbo-dynamic suit would not be able to draw in the rolls to a satisfactory degree without me first losing 30 lbs...which really ought to be followed by a second 30 lbs. ( and most likely WILL be followed by that second 30, but I need a mid-point goal so as not to paralyze myself with fear of failure before I even get started.)
So here's my plan. Its SBD and interval walking, plus pilates. I started Monday night with the diet. Walking got postponed when I realized that both tires on the stroller had gone flat since Friday, so I need to get those taken care of, then, its off to exercise land. Which, by the way, will deserve a post of its very one one day, as its visually, quite interesting.

This is the way to do it!

Believe it or not, this video is technically from my grandmother's funeral. Her instructions were to have a Celebration of Life, and celebrate we did. I think we started a new tradition. I never want to go to a traditional funeral again, and when its my turn, I hope my family celebrates the way we did this weekend.
video

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The Perspective Gun


Coveted by Disgruntled Galactic Housewives everywhere...Can I have one of these?
Seriously, what would it be like to be able to point and shoot and be instantly understood?







Me-Is there a special reason why you'd like your pants on the floor instead of the dresser?
Him-Yeah, because that's where I want them
Me-Are they dirty or clean?
Him-Neither
Me-I don't understand
Him-hmmph

Now, lets try this again with a perspective gun!

Me-Is there a special reason why you'd like your pants on the floor instead of in the dresser?
Him-I'm sorry, I know when I put my pants on the floor instead of in the dresser or the hamper that it makes you feel like I think its YOUR job to clean up after me. And, while I do unfairly expect you to do such meanial chores, I do in-fact appreciate it when you do those small things for me.
Me-Are they dirty or clean?
Him-A Valid question my dear. I did wear them, but they did not become soiled in the process, and so, in an effort to save you from unnecessarily having to wash an additional garment, I have opted to wear them one more time before I add them to the laundry. Would you prefer I put them in the dresser?
Me-Yes, thank you, that would be lovely.

Awwwwww, I want a perspective gun!

Monday, September 15, 2008

My roots

No, not THOSE roots ( although they were recently touched up:) ), my family roots! I was looking at pictures of grandparents today and realized I come from a VERY varied background. I won't say which side each grandparent came from but I will tell you this; One grandparent lived a life of privilege, traveled to exotic places, was cared for by everyone except her parents and LOVED to have her picture taken. One grandparent slept under a poplar tree and hopped the trains looking for work during the great depression. One came from a family of Tennessee share-croppers, and had a father who was a quack..as in fake doctor. One had hollywood good looks, another loved to dance the hula. One helped build the Hoover Dam, another has pictures of SS meetings in a war album. Three of them were married more than once. One was a telephone operator, a seamstress and a preschool teacher. Another didn't ever have a paying job that I am aware of. One did not learn to drive until well into her 50's. One had only 2 daughters, one lost 2 sons. One never let go of saying "mum". One hummed and bounced all around the house. One made outstanding homemade BAKED macaroni and cheese. Another served us something called "bangers" one time...I remember they looked white and they tasted gross. One taught me to value an encyclopedia and learning how to find answers to questions I had. Another taught me to value my ancestry. Two taught me that life isn't perfect, but you go on anyways.
In any case, each had a unique personality and unique life experiences. Thinking about each of them, and their unique lives puts alot of confusion about who I am in perspective. Its no wonder that I am sometimes perplexed by incongruent personality traits, look at what I'm drawing on!

Cindarella Dressed in Yella

Today after reading Jillene's post about something that happened "Not Last Night But the Night Before" I started to wonder, am I ( and my sister) the only people on the planet that instantly revert to jump-rope songs and other childhood songs anytime somebody inadvertantly references one? My nephew says we have a song for everything, and well, we kinda do. I mean for instance, can any of you ( I guess I should preface this with "that are over 30") hear "Lights Out!" without finishing the phrase with "Uh Huuuh, Dance, Dance, Dance" or "Not Last Night but the Night Before" without singing "24 Robbers came knockin' at my door?" Seriously, its out of control, then again, we still think its hilarious to say "You know what?"..."Chickens Butt!" (Seriously, we laugh hysterically at this, and its been that way for well over 30 years)

How do I make a cute button?

Ok, I need a cute button for my Fit for Service blog, but I don't know how to make one. Does anybody know? I know there is cute custom stuff out there, I just can't seem to find it.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Gabe-isms

Me-What did you have for lunch today?
Gabe-A peanut butter sandwich
Me-Why did you have a peanut butter sandwich, I could have made that for you from home ( @ 2.65 for hot lunch...)
Gabe-Because I didn't want the other choice
Me-What was the other choice?
Gabe-A mini-mouse salad
Me-What's a mini-mouse salad?
Gabe-A tiny little salad small enough for a mouse.

I still don't actually know what a mini-mouse salad is. Hopefully it does not involve mini-mice!

Gabe-mom, I know its a special occassion.
Me-What do you mean?
Gabe-I want a happy meal and I know I can have one if its a special occasssion
Me-What exactly is the special occassion
Gabe-I'm borrowing Bens Pants since I pooped my own.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Just a Moment Please

You know, I really do try to keep this blog upbeat and happy. Even when I'm feeling frustrated, I try to find the humor in it. But this week, this has been a different kind of week, and I need a moment to be serious. Its been an interesting kind of week because the stress levels have been through the roof, except that, we're not the ones having problems. OUR family ( as in those who live inside our four walls) is doing great. We have no major issues, there is food on our table, soap for our showers, the lawn is mowed, we ate out last night. Jobs are good, kids are good, everything is fine. But...it seems like everybody around us is melting down, and its surprising how much stress that has caused us. Are we such stress junkies that we don't know how to act without our own stress, so we stress about other people's stress? I am so confused, and unsure about how to behave, its not even a little bit funny. I am alternating laughing hysterically at inane things and crying my eyes out at other inane things. Maybe writting about it will help, except that I can't write about it because the kinds of meltdowns that are occurring aren't the kinds of things you casually blog about. So, maybe just having acknowledged that its been a frustrating, confusing week will be of help. And for those of you who read this who are being affected by all the junk that's going on right now, I love you, and we are praying for you.

L.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Ignoring the Obvious

In my husbands line of work, he has occassion to talk to many different kinds of people. A couple of evenings ago, he had occassion to talk with a young woman and her friend who were employees at one of those special kinds of places where men visit with large wads of dollar bills in one hand, and unrealistic expectations in the other.
This is how the conversation went.
"Where do you work?"
"Christie's"
"What's Christie's?"
"Christie's Cabaret" ( say that in a long drawn out way as if to state that you can't EVEN believe that he wouldn't know what Christie's is)
"Oh, I don't go to those kinds of places"
turning to friend with look of shock and surprise "Why can't we find guys like him to marry?"
ummmmmmmmmmm....does she really not know the answer to that question?

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Risky Business and (F)lies, (F)lies, (F)lies Get Out

DANG IT, my new camera doesn't come till tomorrow...because tonight we caught lily dancing in her underwear...with wayfarer style glasses on. Of course, it was not to the appropriate song, instead it was to the Thompson Twins "Lies, Lies, Lies Get Out"....which we next overheard Gabriel singing in the shower re-interpreted to be a song about little black airborn insects.

(which was extra funny because that's how we used to sing it for a joke when we were teenagers)

L.

Why you can't rely on Spell Check to Edit your Work

The following is an excerpt from an e-mail exchange I had today with an employee of a big-box office supply store. The original e-mail mentioned a problem with a previous printing order and this was a portion of her reply.

"I do apologize for the incontinence ."

Jane Doe,

Impress Supervisor

Notice the Title? I'm so NOT impressed! ( But I have been laughing "hysterectomy" ALL DAY LONG) hahahahhaahahaaaaaaaaaa

L.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

The Golden Toilet Award Goes too...


Lily!!!! For using it every day for the last 10 days~! ( about 1.8 accidents a day, not too bad I don't think. We've progressed from mommy and daddy taking her every hour till she does it, to her telling us when she needs to go. Only one time did she wet herself on purpose. ( Yes, she really did do it on purpose, she looked at me, got a sly smile on her face, then the sly smile turned to evil grin...which was followed by a wet spot on the floor...*insert loving smile here*...) But seriously, for a kid who didn't CRAWL until the night before her 1st birthday, and didn't WALK until the night before she would be 18 months, I am totally shocked ( AND pleased!) that we are doing this before her 3rd birthday. GO Lily GO!
Oh, and um, does anybody have any comments on how we should handle the daily barrage of ( like somewhere near 100times daily) of "I look so pretty!" comments coming from Lily? If she's still doing this at 5, she's not going to have very many friends! And what on EARTH could a "Hamma Hamma" be? I thought it was a camel, then I thought it was a pony, but she was calling it a camel, then I decided it was nonsense, but she keeps saying one of two things, " I want my Hamma Hamma" or "I have my Hamma Hamma"...( and she'll have either a pony, camel, or sheep in her hand)...Oh!!!!! I think I just figured it out!!! Is it an "ANIMAL"? Oh, the fun of two year olds. And last but not least, raise your hand if you were the one that gave her caffeine last Sunday evening...she was up until 10:30 laughing and giggling and then arose @ 5:45 the next morning proclaiming "Its my happy birthday!" ( I wish you could hear her little mouse voice) all morning long. All I have to say is thank heavens she was happy. And now today, its off to church...think she can make it through church without an accident? We'll See!

Saturday, September 6, 2008

New Pictures Coming Soon!

Yeah!!! We have a new camera arriving soon and are looking forward to using it frequently!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

LOL

IOWA CITY, Iowa - Iowa City police said a man who was driving drunk tried to bribe a police officer — with a sandwich.
Police said a 25-year-old man was charged with drunken driving early Sunday morning after an officer saw him driving with his headlights off.
Police said the man was riding with a police officer in a squad car when he offered the officer free sub sandwiches if he could go home.

This guy is obviously an idiot.

(Everybody knows police prefer DONUTS)

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Kah-rah-Tay ( but really Youn Wha Ryu)


My boy LOVES karate, last year, he once told me he was an expert at karate...this after having exactly zero lessons in karate. Well, this year, the school is offering an afterschool karate class for a super reasonable price so we signed him up. Now I LOVE karate too! Besides the fact that it is a great physical outlet for him, these are the things he is being taught. "Be Polite, Be Patient, Be Alert, Be Brave, Do Your Best, Respect Yourself and Others." Should any class members choose not to be be any of these things during training, they must remove their uniform until they decide that they will be the above listed things. I LOVE KARATE! The thing that is so great, is that my son who definitely has struggles with respecting authority is becoming a respectful child who engages in training and really truly tries hard to learn this new skill. This is the first time he has been teachable! ( This is afterall the kid who refused to be taught how to ride a bike, because he insisted he already knew how...and then got on a bike and in less than 30 seconds was riding down the street without any kind of training wheels.) I am so amazed at the ability of the instructor ( a female by the way, so this isn't any kind of alpha male thing that's getting his attention, its true honest respect and interest) to reach him. I love to go and observe and learn.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Please Join Me

Dear Friends, for a very long time I have considered writing about becoming "Fit for Service", my ideas on how physical, mental, and spiritual fitness feed each other to help a person develop an increased ability to serve others. It was never the right time before, I think I thought I knew it all and feared that anything I would write would become preachy and too much the gospel of Lisa, and not enough the Gospel. But now, as I realize I have much to learn and a great willingness to learn it, I have decided to open up a new blog specifically for the purpose of writting about the discovery process in becoming "Fit for Service". I hope you will join me and invite your friends to join us as well. We will be basing our journey on the "Pursuit of Excellence" pamphlet published by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. If you would like to order a copy the item number is PCMP39U3. I am assuming it is still available.
If any of you would like to become contributors to the blog, please post a comment on the new blog for consideration.
Thanks, and here's to what ought to be a really great journey.
You may access the Fit for Service blog by clicking on the image to the right.

L.

This one's for the gal's

You know who you are!
One-word responses...
1. Where is your cell phone? dresser
2. Your significant other? working
3. Your hair? long
4. Your mother? home
5. Your father? alpha
6. Your favorite thing? flat-iron
7. Your dream last night? tiring
8. Your favorite drink? awittledietpepsi
9. Your dream/goal? sharing
10. The room you’re in? front
11. Your hobby? hobby?
12. Your fear? snake
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? here
14. What you’re not? skinny
15. Muffins? no
16. One of your wish list items? mini
17. Where you grew up? there
18. The last thing you did? typed
19. What are you wearing? jammies
20. Favorite gadget? cookiecutter
21. Your pets? gone
22. Your computer? useful
23. Your mood? better
24. Missing someone? girls
25. Your car? useful
26. Something you’re not wearing? bunders ( just kidding! couldn't resist!)
27. Favorite store? Ikea
28. Like someone? sure
29. Your favorite color? red
30. When is the last time you laughed? unsure
31. Last time you cried? testimonies