How to Cook a Turkey using only Testosterone

You all may have gathered by now that my son Gabe is...well...very male. I *think* his kindergarten class is making us mommies one of those "how to cook a turkey" books that kindergarteners are so famous for, but I am impatient, and unwilling to risk missing his 5year old boy version of how to prepare our most treasured roast-bird. And so, here, for your reading pleasure, is how to prepare a turkey, according to Gabe.

"First, you make a bow and arrow, cuz I know you have to shoot it and I wanna shoot it with a ARROW! Then you tear off the legs, tear off the wings, tear off the head... and tell somebody to take off the feathers. And you stick it in the fire with salt and pepper and butter. Turkey is my FAVORITE! All my favorite foods are Turkey and Broccoli. But my unfavorite food is tomatoes, they make me sick."

*I know I said I'd be gone until Dec. 1, but I couldn't resist this timely little tid-bit I learned this a.m. while waiting for the school bus in pre-dawn hours.

"Hot" tip at the end of this post...be sure to check it out in time for Turkey leftovers. :)

Unless something that simply cannot be ignored happens between now and 6:00am Wednesday morning ( and lets face it, I have a 2 year old in the house, so chances are good there will be some kind of hilarity) this will be my last post until the first week of December...can that be right??? wow.
Anyways, I am going to share with you one more Thanksgiving recipe. I would caution you however, that if you have not ever baked bread from scratch before, this might not be the best recipe to start with, since there are no specific flour measurements. This year I have baked them up "brown'n'serve" style, since we'll be traveling a few hours away and I needed to bake them in advance. So, if the picture looks pale to you, that's why.

Sweet Potato Cranberry Rolls
1 14-16 oz Sweet Potato
1 C. Half and Half
1 pkg dry yeast
6 T golden brown sugar
1/4 C. Butter, Melted
2 t. Salt
1 t. Ginger
Flour
3/4 C Dried Cranberries
1 lg. Egg, beaten

Pierce sweet potato in several places, cook on high in microwave for 7 mins. Turn over, and cook until very tender (could be up to 7 minutes more) Scoop flesh from potato into bowl, mash. Transfer 3/4 cup mashed sweet potato into large mixing bowl. Using Whisk attachment, beat potato until very smooth (I usually just do this by hand, you don't need to have a mixer, or a whisk attachment to make these turn out). Heat Half and Half and 1 T. Brown sugar in microwaver 2 minutes, let rest 5 minutes, sprinkle yeast over it and let stand about 10 minutes until foamy. Add remaining 5 T brown sugar, melted butter, ginger, and salt to sweet potato, beat until smooth and well blended. Add yeast mixture, mix until well blended. Beat in enough flour, one cup at a time to form a soft dough. Beat three minutes ( dough will be very soft). Turn out dough onto floured surface. Knead until smooth and elastic. (adding more flour by tablespoons if its too sticky) Knead about 6 mins. Knead in dry cranberries ( try using orange scented or cherry scented if you'd like, they are yummy).
Spray large clean bowl with non-stick cooking spray, turn dough into bowl and spray dough ball with non-stick cooking spray. Cover bowl with plastic wrap, let rise until double.
Butter 2 baking sheets, or cover with parchment. Punch dough down, turn onto floured surface. Divide dough in half, roll each half out to a 12" diameter circle, cut round into 8 triangles. Roll each triangle into a crescent shape. Place each roll on baking sheet. Cover baking sheet loosely with plastic, let rolls rise until light and puffy (about 45 mins.) Position baking racks in center and top 1/3 of oven. Preheat oven to 400. Brush rolls with beaten egg. Bake about 15 minutes or until rolls are golden and sound hollow when tapped on bottom. (make sure to switch racks half way through baking time).
These can be made up to 2 weeks ahead and frozen.

***To reheat, place in brown bag, run bag under running water until wet, but not dripping. Place in 350 oven for about 10 minutes. ( You can do this with any rolls. they will be warm, moist, and delicious every time, not dried out, crusty, rubbery, or hard! like if you used a microwave or oven without the wet bag)

So...........

I have a new reader. She is lurking in the shadows, and you'll probably never meet her, but she's here, and I'm glad she is. She is JP's 80something Grandmother. Now who else can brag that they have an octegenarian for a reader? Huh? And lest you be worried that my blog will change because I am afraid that my grandmother in law might not like something I post, let me tell you this...Never, EVER give her your e-mail address...because if you do, she'll send you porn and viruses every day...(kidding!...sort of) LOL So, no worries about my blog changing, since, so far, I've refrained from posting any kind of porn, and the only viruses on this blog are the one's JP's sneezed on you through cyberspace. If she sends me something interesting though, I'll be sure to share it ;)

So, if Margie had a blog account, and you tagged her, here are a few things you might learn about her.

1. The first question she ever asks about a new person you meet is "Is (s)he a member?" You would have to be a "member" to understand this question
2. The last time she bore her testimony was almost certainly the last time she attended a testimony meeting
3. She has survived 3 cancers. THREE! Now there is one stubborn woman.
4. She has been married for more than 60 years ( I think its 65 or 66, but I didn't want to get it wrong)
5. She once sent her husband a pair of blue panties in the mail during WWII when he was stationed in the South Pacific.
6. Those pin-up girls couldn't light a candle to that picture of her wearing a grass skirt.
7. She's famous for her English Toffee. I am not allowed to make English Toffee, because mine doesn't turn out the same as hers did.
8. My husband prefers if I don't even try to make meat-loaf because mine will never be as good as hers.
9. She gave birth to her youngest son 6 months after my husband was born...she gave him his only "brother".
10. "what big black dog?" (inside joke...that one was for you Margie)

I wish you could all meet Grandma Margie (Mimi as she likes to be called by the great grandchildren) your lives would be richer for having known her.

Bloggernapple Chorus and duhduh

DuhDuh...(law and order gavel sound)did you guys watch L&O last night? What'd you think about the G's being portrayed? I haven't decided how I feel about it yet. I'm curious to see what you all have to say.

Secondly, if you thought that Obadiah Parker made Hey Yah sound beautiful, if not sad...look at the video below to be thoroughly depressed.





Senior Adult Choir: Hey Ya

If you've never heard Obadiah Parker's version, go listen to it right now!

What once was lost, now is found.

I dont' know why you would even think I would be talking about the diamond in my wedding ring, its securely fastened in its prongs. Not even banging it against a peice of furniture, and hearing a small little "clink" when something hit the bottom ought to make you think I had potentially lost my diamond. Seriously, why would you even think that? I meant that I had found a jolly rancher in my pocket...freak.

That was interesting...

And good.
JP is home extremely sick tonight. He came home this morning and spent the next 7 hours puking+etc. every 15 minutes. That was after a 24 hour day. You can probably not even begin to imagine how he feels unless you've ended a 24 hour stretch with another 7 hours of your body revolting against you. It was clear as early as 8:00am this morning, he would not be going to work today. Around 5:30 this afternoon he had finally started to heal and fallen asleep but I knew there was no chance he was making it in to work. So, I went in, took his phone, and texted his boss, and called the office to let everybody know that there was no way he'd make it tonight. Just a few minutes ago, I received a call from his boss. This phone call absolutely set in stone for me the reasons why we chose this job over other opportunities to start with. His boss was calling, to speak with me. He was not only concerned about JP's health, but also about his mental state about being sick. He was worried that JP is worried about taking sick time, because he's taken quite a bit of it lately. It seems that his defenses are really low right now, and he's been ridiculously near emergency room sick twice this month. I really appreciated his boss's concern that JP understand that its OK to take sick time, and not to stress over it. And then he apologized about sounding like a "company man"...which I had to tell him was no problem at all, because we are a "company family". We love this job, even with the stress, the sometimes unfair policies, and the realization that some promises are not going to be kept. This was the right job for us at the right time. So, there's my little peice of grattitude for the evening.

Lisa

So.....THIS was dinner last night. The food was great! Is it just us or is it TOO much of a stereotype! LOL we went someplace else for desert.

sorry if the preceding was offensive to anyone, I suppose if it is...your reading the wrong blog! ;)

J. P.

(insert your own happy ending jokes here)

Prize of Autumn Pear Salad

I got to looking at my Better Recipes account and realized that I had a couple more 5 star entries that maybe I should share. This one's perfect for fall. The other one I'll save for later...maybe a good new years eve treat.

Here is the Prize of Autumn Pear Salad. I'm really proud of this one because it got 5 stars and I made up the whole recipe myself! The pomegranate salad was a family recipe we've enjoyed for several generations, but this one is mine, all mine!

try it, you'll like it!

Prize of Autumn Pear Salad

2 red pears
2 green pears
2 seckel pears (the very small, very sweet ones)
Juice of 1/2 lemon
1/4 cup toasted pepitas (pumpkin seeds, toasted, salted, without shells)
1/2 cup sugar-free orange marmalade
3 Tbsp raisins

Core, but do not peel the pears. Slice pears lenthwise and place in large bowl. Squeeze the juice of half a lemon over pears and gently toss to coat. (This will prevent pears from browning.) Add Pepitas and raisins. Measure Sugar-Free Orange Marmalade into a microwaveable bowl and heat on high about 20 seconds. Remove and stir. Repeat if necessary until marmalade has completely melted and become liquid. Drizzle marmalade over fruit and Pepitas. Toss gently to coat. Serve.

Notes: Choose your favorite pears for this delicious and quick autumn side salad. Keep the peels on for color and nutrition. Pears should be ripe, but not mushy. Treat them gently and they will be beautiful.

Number of Servings: 6-8

Freestyle Friday-a "Stream of Consciousness" Post

I'm out of eggs, cereal, and milk...that means McDonalds for breakfast. What? You think that should have meant a 6:00am trip to the grocery store? Why would I do that when we can all load up in the car and make a pre-school-day trip to McD's? Its hubby's day off, and if he wants to take us to McD's...well, that's fine with me....except its not fine with me...McD's doesn't do too much positive for the weightloss efforts. Well, at least I didn't have potatoes, but that's not difficult, I don't really like fast food hashbrowns anyways. I like the hashbrowns they serve at sit-down breakfast places, those are yummy, especially with ketchup (catsup? *wink* to ...oh shoot, now I can't remember who posted about ketchup vs catsup this week...here I thought I was going to be all cute with my little fellow blogger reference. Oh well) But Fast Food hashbrowns..not so much. But back to McDonalds. We sat at the tall tables, a special treat for the kiddos, I'm always worried they'll fall off the seats of those high tables...which is only a small portion of why I haven't broken down and agreed with hubby that we really need a counterheight dining table. ( safety and expense being the primary reasons...that and I kinda like my shabby dining table...I think its cute, made cuter by its shabbiness...its so shabby it looks like its on purpose!) I was facing towards the front counter and noticed a father and daughter walk in. The father looked about our age, maybe a couple years younger. The daughter looked to be 9-ish...maybe a little older. It was apparent that she is ill. she had only about 1/3 of her hair, left long towards the back of her head. I was curious, but not upset by her appearance....until I saw her make a contribution to the Ronald McDonald House box on the counter. It was then that my heart swelled and bubbled up to my eyes, making my nose sting and my tongue clench the roof of my mouth. I don't think I've ever even put a penny in one of those boxes. I'm not against it, just never gave it any thought. Maybe next time I'll put my change in. Seeing a sick child make a contribution did something for me. In the meantime, tonight I get a spare-change date! We try to go out a couple of times a month, so its not like we never EVER get to go out or anything, but hubby's change cup is overflowing and he's taking it to cash in today and tonight we're going to the Movies! Quantum of Solace anyone? The last movie we saw together was Baby Mama at the dollar theater. I almost wish we were going to the dollar theater to see something there instead. I don't mind waiting to see things for cheaper. Although last time we did spy a rat running under the chairs...so I guess I'll let hubby treat me to a nice NEW theater tonight. I wonder what we'll have for dinner? We always go to Pei Wei cuz we love it and we can share a good meal for 20 bucks...but I'm in the mood for something different...maybe we can try the middle-eastern place with belly dancers! Then again...not so excited about belly dancers interrupting my meal. I do love middle-eastern food though...hmmm. Maybe we should save that idea for lunch during the week when there are no belly dancers hovering 'round. Question? Do the Belly Dancers expect tips like the Mariachi bands do? Are you supposed to load up on dollars before going someplace with belly dancers?
If so, do you put dollars in the waist of their pants? Would this be a precursor to giving my husband permission to go to "Christies?" (remember those gals?)...hmm, yeah, better save that for a weekday lunch...better not go down that road. Although he does have some funny stories about that kind of stuff. Fortunately they (allegedly...lol) all come from other people...like the two guys on the "downlow" who were complaining about the strippers not wearing any pants...what the? Gabe likes to say "what the?"...I don't know where he picked that up...I think one of his aunts says it alot...I think its funny, but it always takes me off gaurd when he walks by something and says "what the?"...but its better than what he used to say, like when he was 3-ish and he wondered what the hell that monster truck thought it was doing...or the time he told grandma (sitting next to him, trapped in the back of our car) "Sometimes I wipe my blood boogers on the window." *barf*...which is what we had the other night at midnight...BARF-O-RAMA!!! projectile...spread across a full 15 feet of my bedroom. Why do mom's always resort to bodily functions when they're out of things to talk about? Seriously...it can't be denied. Get a room of mothers together and before the night is through the 3p's (pee, poop, and puke) will have been addressed in full detail.

the end.

But Wait, there's More!

for just 19.95, you too can have the convenience and comfort of sitting at home in your husbands robe-worn backwards.

Pomegranates-Thanksgiving Inspiration

While these lovely fruits are enjoying a hay-day of popularity for their sweet-tart, crisp, jewel toned "seeds" chances are good (unless you are from Southern Nevada, or share an ancestor in common with me) you have never had Pomegranate Salad. Sure, you may have thrown some pomegranate seeds on a green salad, and I would never discourage you from doing so...but you've probably never had THE pomegranate salad.

In my family, Thanksgiving is just NOT Thanksgiving, unless a Pomegranate Salad has been prepared. Last fall, I submitte the recipe to Better Homes cooking website called Better Recipes and it earned 5 count 'em 5! stars! (out of 5 possible, thank you very much).

Here is the recipe.


Pomegranate Salad

4-6 granny smith apples, peeled and shredded
1/2 cup raisins
1 whole pomegranate, seeded
1/2 cup chopped pecans or walnuts
Whipped cream or whipped topping

Method
Combine apples, raisins, pomegranate seeds and nuts. Gently fold in whipped cream or whipped topping (the amount of the cream or topping will vary based on the size of apples and pomegranates. used, use enough to make the ingredients stick together).

Notes: Our family has enjoyed this unique salad for at least 4 generations. The sweet-tart combination of fruit and cream is the perfect accompaniment to the rich flavors of any Thanksgiving dinner. This salad doesn't keep well, so enjoy it all at once.

Number of Servings: 6-8

So Sue Me

I started something I can't finish tonight!
Maybe this will look better tomorrow. I'm tired.

Gabe's Glad Tidings-Or What a "Character!"

-I need to brag about my boy for a minute! Today he came home with an award! Not one of those, "its your turn to be special and by the end of the year everybody will have gotten an award"award, but an ACTUAL AWARD!~ To make it even better, it was a "Character Connects Us" award given for "demonstrating strong character." I am especially pleased with him because he struggles to make the best choices every day. He often loses the battle. BUT, he knows when he's made a poor choice and he owns his choices. I know that's why he received this award. Last week during parent teacher conferences, his teacher told me about a rough day when he had chosen to throw crayons through the air everytime she turned around. Finally, she turned to the class and asked "who is throwing the crayons." Before anybody needed to tattle, Gabriel raised his hand, said "It was me" and then asked "Where should I take my thinking minute?" I love my boy, even when he's naughty, but I am so pleased that he received recognition for the times that he does the right thing...even if the right thing is admitting the thing he did wrong.

Reminder

If you're participating in the Fit for Service Challenge, go post your minutes in the comments section. ( one comment for every 15 minutes, 4 comment limit).

Top 10 Impulse Buys that Sucked

Ok April Showers, here's my answer to your "top 10 impulse buys that were worth every penny."
Its my super-fabulous list of Top 10 Impulse Buys that Sucked...LOL

10. That adorable little plastic frankenstein kid-plate that broke the first time it got dropped on the floor-also the first time it was used.
9. That Black Beaded necklace. I wanted a necklace, not a choker. It was so short not even my 12 year old wanted it.
8. Argyle knit tights in black, purple, gray, and white. What was I thinking?...There is no reason why a 30+ female with 30+++extra pounds on her should be wearing anything that remotely begins to criss-cross the vast regions of her thighs...even if said thighs will be covered by clothing...nobody wants to imagine that, let alone see it.
7. Brown, Pink, Turquoise, Green and White Boardshorts.-granted-you were not so much an impulse purchase, but rather a pressure cooker purchase. I *needed* board shorts ( citing above mentioned 30+++lbs) I *couldn't* spend $85.00 on them. So, I spent $12.00 and ended up wishing I would have just left it all alone and owned my supersized thighs. What's worse than supersized thighs? Supersized thighs disguised in shorts meant for a clown.
6. Lily's adorable sunflower clips. So dang cute...but they fell apart after 3 uses.
5. Gabe's Spiderman Bedspread. Jp gets claim to this impulse buy that sucks. What sucks about the Spiderman Bedspread? Its Spiderman, and its a Bedspread...enough said.
4. Almond Snickers Bar...totally not worth the calories.
3. X-Box-the suckiness of this is totally up to interpretation. Its great if you don't mind 4-6 hours of your family time being sucked into the black-hole of oblivion by pixilated bad guys.
2. That queen mattress of ours. We bought the first one we could afford, so in that sense, yes, it was an impulse purchase. 4 years later, it feels like its 20 years old. My hips hurt every morning.
1. That "weekend Get-a-way" we had when Jp got back from Iraq. Also known as the trip from H to the L. This could be so bad that its deserving of its own post. It would be titled something like "How to completely ruin a weekend getaway", "Those Damn Parrotheads", or "When Not to use Priceline."

Word of the Day

Mittelschmerz-as in "holy mittelschmerz I need some Ibuprofen."

Dear Mr. Chinese Restaurant Man

I like the message on your chopsticks-"Welcome to Chinese Restaurant-Please try your nice chinese Food with Chopsticks the traditional and typical of Chinese glorious history and cultural."
This message makes me smile. I like your friendly service. I like your food, it tastes yummy. There is one thing I don't really like though...its when you call me "honey"...7 times during a 2 minute conversation while I take my food to go. Your philogynistic familiarisms are, well...too familiar. My husband doesn't call me "honey" unless I'm in trouble. And even then, he normally uses "sweetheart". Please reserve the use of the word "Honey" for descriptions of your scrumptious deep fat fried, sticky-sweet, morsels of chicken.
Thank you!-your friend "MynameisnotHoney"

Fit for Service Holiday Challenge

I know I need some kind of goal when trying to get back to a routine or start a new one. Its been about 6 months since I last exercised regularly, and I'm having trouble getting back into the swing of things...and I think I know why!

I need competition. I exercised regularly last year because my friends did and my husband did. Now my friends are all in different states and my husband sleeps all day. ( remember his manly night job...he's not just a lazy slob) So, even though I look around me and see the beautiful people everywhere I go, I'm not feeling the daily competitive spirit.

That brings me to...the Fit for Service Holiday Challenge. I've posted the rules at Fit for Service. But in short, if you are needing a little push to start or keep yourself exercising through the holidays, here's a fun way to have some competition, friendship and fun! There is a PRIZE involved!

Go visit Fit for Service today and click "follow" or add our Fit for Service link or button to your blog ( and post a comment to let us know) to get signed up for the challenge. Only those signed up by midnight Sunday will be in the running for the prize. (~$25.00 worth of non-edible wonderful pampering things)

Finally a Twilight Post from the Cave Hairs

You would think that somebody who identifies most closely with prehistoric monosyllabic persons of questionable existence would just adore Twilight. And I did...in a very guilty sense. Twilight and its sisters were a train wreck. I knew I shouldn't look, but I just couldn't put them down. I remain mildly curious about additional Myers Lit...And that is what brought me to take the "what Twilight character are you" quiz. To my disgust, according to this highly scientific personality profile, I, Mrs. Cavehair, identify most closely with BELLA...are you KIDDING ME! Let me first say, that from page 1 of Twilight, Bella pissed me off. She is whiny, a martyr, and an excellent target for an abusive relationship. She is needy, suicidal (yeah, I know, it was never spelled out, but come-ON...we all know it to be true.) and obsessed with danger. Her entire life revolves around being wanted by the one she can't have, instead of appreciating the attentions of others who offer a healthier relationship alternative. She is not a good friend to mere mortals. The mother in me wants to warn my daughters that this book is NOT to be taken as any kind of example for what teenage romance should be. I'm not talking about the obvious (although I might not be a huge fan of one of them brining home a vampire) I'm talking about the obsession factor. A girl who would rather waste away to nothing than live without the attentions of a dangerous man is not a girl who is a roll-model for anybody! ( other than girls who wish to eventually enter into relationships where they will find themselves isolated from their friends and family and constantly making excuses for the steady stream of bumps and scrapes they'll be trying to hide from local law enforcement. ( ie: ABUSED) ) When you fall in love with an obsessive man who wants to kill you. ( or rather, doesn't actually want you dead, but loves you so much he has to stop himself from killing you to make you undeniably his) you should not be surprised when you wake up in a pine box someday. On the other hand, nobody ever said that it is the responsibility of fiction writers to moralize. It would be wrong of me to expect Myers to write only about romantic situations which I would find acceptable for my own daughters. I do not expect other authors to censor themselves in such a manor. A "Safe" vampire story would be boring. There's nothing too interesting about a "healthy" romance. And so, I forgive Ms. Myers for writing too close to home about teenagers with an unhealthy obsession. But I do NOT forgive the creators of the "what Twilight Character are You" quiz for comparing me to Bella!

Why 2 year olds are so great

ATwo year olds really are terrific! ( What, you heard they were terrible?) They ALWAYS give great blogging material!
Here is one tiny conversation enjoyed between Lily and me last night.
Mommy-"Ok guys, tomorrow morning Daddy is going to SLEEP...for real..because we are going to be very quiet. We are going to get up, and we are going to have a very quiet breakfast, and when its time for church, we are going to leave very quietly. Daddy is going to stay home and sleep. When we get home, Daddy will have lunch with us and then Daddy will go to church and we will take naps. Do you understand?"
Gabe-yes mom
Lily-(at the top of her lungs)"I FARTED!"

Something to be THANKFUL for

As George Orwell said:"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."

or,

Out of every 100 men,
10 should not be here,
80 are nothing but targets,
9 are the real fighters,
and we are lucky to have them,
for they the battle make."
"Ah, but the ONE,
ONE of them is a WARRIOR,
and he will bring the others back."
Heraclitus 500 BC

With the coming of Veterans day next week and the Marine Corps birthday (and unfortunately the election)... How many of us know what has been done to maintain our liberty, and "American way of life"? Check out this site, then thank a vet!

http://www.medalofhonor.com/ or http://www.woundedwarriorproject.org/

All they ask is that we remeber, teach your children...

J. P.

3 Rants and a Rave

Its time to play 3 Rants and a Rave again, on this the 3rd day of November, just one day before the 4th day of November 2008, the day that shall live in (infamy?) for ever more.

Rant 1: Politics!!! I am downright exhausted. The biggest "change" I'm looking forward to is more Sonic ads ("You want some Fries with that Shake?"), fewer "Change" ads.
(Question: Why hasn't anybody on the McCain/Palin ticket been nicknamed "Goose"?)

Rant 2: Being a grown-up. Being a grown-up is hard. Especially when it involves using the word "No".

Rant 3: Christmas Music. Don't get me wrong, I like to "Fa ra ra ra ra" along with the best of 'em. However...I thought I had a bad case of tintinitus on Saturday (yes, one day past Halloween) when what to my wondering ears did appear... "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day". Come to find out, this music has been playing 24/7 for WEEKS now! AGH!

Rave: "The World According to the Little Fish"-always well written, often quite touching. Mina is always aware of exactly what makes her tick.

One More Halloween Indulgence

The Queen Bee.

Quote of the Day (from Gabe's Kindergarten Teacher)-said with a tired, but enthusiastic smile "Halloween AND Kindergarten, on the same day! Awesome!"