Year End Reflections

I'm not always snarky, and I don't always need to crack lame jokes. In fact, I tend to spend quite a bit of time thinking about where I've been, where I'm going, and how I'll get there. I am not a big believer in New Year's Resolutions, I believe if I know something needs improvement, what better time to start than now? What is January 1 but an arbitrary date? Most New Years Resolutions are broken anyhow because they are not born of sincere desire for change, but out of a wish for something different. What I've learned over the past several years is that wishes for something different rarely result in anything different. Wishes make me feel good momentarily, but quickly arrives some circumstance that pops that wishful bubble right into oblivion. Wishes don't work for me.

Goals on the other hand, there is something I can work with. When I set goals, life doesn't happen to me, instead I participate in making my life what it is. I don't always acheive every goal I set out to acheive. Sometimes I fail miserably. But what goal setting has done for me is allowed me to stop living my life as a series of knee-jerk reactions.

This past year has been an interesting one for our family. Two years ago, we made a goal to obtain better employment. At the end of that year, we had the sought after employment and made a move from the midwest to the desert southwest. Because obtaining the employment and making the move were the results of rather large, rather life-changing goals, I didn't really know what to do next once those goals were obtained. I've spent the last 7 months doing smaller things. Trying to make friends, figure out my role in my new community and congregation, encourage my rambunctious children to behave, read scriptures, say family prayers, develop the habit of personal prayer. I've left a few things by the wayside. Personal physical health has been one of them. Although several months ago I began the South Beach Diet, and stuck to it perfectly, it didn't work for me. I've been to see the doctor on several occassions only to find out that everything is not only in working order, but in EXCELLENT working order. I've become lazy in my housekeeping, meal preparations and attendance to extra curricular activities.

It has come to my attention that I have filled my days with busy work, "fun" and other time-wasting activities. And I realize that these things have come because I haven't really set out any kind of obtainable, measurable, goal that is important enough to me to spend energy in my downtime achieving.

Jp and I are driven people when we have something we want. But being in a position of having all that you had previously hoped for leaves a strange empty feeling inside. I'm not sure exactly what the next big thing is. But I do know that I'm tired of spinning my wheels and I'm ready to get down to work again. I've enjoyed the "time off" from the work involved in obtaining a large goal, but I kind of miss the feelings of resolve and hope that are involved in these things. I don't want to become the person who feels empty inside and can't fill her cup. So, I guess its time for a different kind of prayer. I'll still offer up the prayers of gratitude we've been offering, but its time for something more. I think tonight I'll ask for a little guidance and opportunity in setting new goals. And just because it happens to be year end, don't go thinking I am setting a New Year's Resolution. Today is Dec. 28th, no where near Jan 1.