Totally and Completely Offensive

There is every possibility, that in the course of this rant I will become the one who is totally and completely offensive, so consider yourself warned.

I made the mistake of going to the grocery store at 5:00 pm on a weekday. That choice was "my bad"...I take full responsibility for being there at the craziest hour of the day. However, that does not excuse the behavior of one particular patron.

Now here is where I tread in dangerous territory, because lets face it, I don't know every single person who ever comes by and reads these little posts of mine. So, if you find yourself a member of the category of people I'm about to expose my loathing for. I'm sorry in advance for offending you, and hope that you will not take it out on the next person you meet in the grocery store.

I entered the store prepared, child-free, and ready to duck in, get my groceries with a smile on my face, and leave. The woman who saw fit to block the entire baking aisle with the store's borrowed scooter chair, her 2 grungy children, and her DOG however, were not prepared, were not accessory free, and were NOT smiling. They blocked the entire aisle as they perused each and every flavor of Duncan Hines Cake mix and Frosting on the shelf. Suffice it to say, that there was sufficient evidence that eating too many cakes was perhaps the reason for the borrowed scooter to start with. The children jumped around, argued, and occassionally helped the woman reach a new flavor and discuss whether they had in fact reached just the right one. I will admit, I had one or two nasty thoughts about her and her aisle blocking body/scooter prior to my politely saying "excuse me, may I please get past?" (not once, but twice before she actually let me in to the area I wanted to be in). But when her DOG started jumping on me and licking my face, I shoved his nose away from me. He persisted, I shoved his nose again. He persisted and I said (admittedly in a disgruntled tone) "Will you please keep your dog off of me!" To which she replied, with as much vinegar as you can possible imagine, "Well, you could have said something earlier! And don't you know you're supposed to keep 5 feet away from a service animal!" To which I admitted my ignorance followed by "If he's your service animal, where is his vest?"....after a few stutters, she came up with "Well, its too hot for him to wear it!" To which I replied, "Well, service animal or not, I would appreciate it if you would keep him off of me, I don't want him on me." She replied. Get this. She replied with "Bite Me, Just BITE ME!" I turned around and muttered "Maybe your dog will."

(And FYI, there is no possible way that dog was actually a service dog. He was just a dog owned by a woman who's figured out how to play the game. I'm sure she was just waiting for the store to challenge her so she could cry discrimination.)