church videos

I don't know if its a well known fact, but it is an established fact within my mind that I am not entirely comfortable with media as missionary work.  Its something inside me that is insecure.  I know all the advantages, but I am not secure enough inside to stand up should somebody make fun of me, attempt to engage me in arguments that can't be won, insult me, or otherwise do anything other than click "like".  And yet, on occasion, I do share, and yet have I been persecuted.  But still, I have a gnawing discomfort about it.

So when facebook started showing me side-bar ad's for videos titled "and I'm a Mormon" I really kind of thought to myself, what? Now we're going to attempt to validate ourselves by pointing out famous people who are also Mormon? I thought to myself, aren't we confident enough in our faith that we don't need to go name dropping?  And then some names started popping up that weren't familiar to me. I questioned myself, wondering if I'd really created such a vacuum in my home by turning off cable that I wouldn't recognize these names?  I refused to click.

It turns out I had it all wrong.  Its not about name dropping.  Its about encouraging members of the church to be their talents, their passions, their strengths, and then also being a Mormon. Here's what I found:

Just the right ad popped up.  I don't know what was different about it, maybe because the woman featured didn't "look like a Mormon" (ie: she wasn't wearing multiple layers of jewelry on top of multiple layers of t-shirts topped off with multiple layers of teased hair topped with a giant blossoms posing as cherry on top of that frilly yet modest sundae of fashion...not that the look isn't kinda cute, I actually like it, but you all know exactly the look I'm describing, because 2/3 of your RS showed up to church today dressed like that). Maybe it was because it said she was an artist.  I don't know why I clicked. But I did.

Of course I can't find the video a second time to save my life, or I'd post it here for you to see.  But watching this video, this woman, this artist, she answered for me a deeply smoldering question I hadn't even fully formulated yet.  My question was "why don't I feel like 'one of them'?" The answer is "because that's not what Heavenly Father created you to be.  Earlier in the week I had come to a realization that my social circle at church did not need to be the definition of me.  I have found so much confidence, self acceptance, social acceptance, and happiness outside of my church community lately, that I've really begun to think deeply on what role church plays in my life. I had realized that I didn't need to be struggling to become socially engaged with women I don't fully understand in order to be a "good Mormon".

What does that mean?  I think it means I can take a load off!

Not too long ago I was a week away from never going back to church.  I felt miserable there.  And not for any good reason.  I couldn't put my finger on my unhappiness.  I felt like I was surrounded by unhappiness, by women trying to be something homogeneous and safe and as wholesome as vitamin D milk, who didn't really want to be that.  I felt like I was surrounded by misery, boredom, and women trying to be someone else's idea of what they should be.  I was having conflict because I found something I loved that was exciting, physical, enlightening, energetic, healthy and didn't involve in anyway chocolate, bread dough, whole wheat, or crafting scissors, and I suddenly had no idea how to relate with this group of women on a level other than the gospel.

And then this video clip.

What did she say? I'm not 100% sure, but what I heard was "that image of what I was supposed to be was something I made up! Heavenly father wants me to be me!"

And I got to thinking.  Where in the scriptures does it say put your passions to rest, do not seek to discover your talents, be like everybody else and get along? NO! This is NOT what we're taught! And yet, many women of the church are receiving this message loud and clear.  What are we doing to each other and ourselves that we receive this message, even though this is not the message sent? WHY do we hear this message?  Is it the "anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report" thing? Is it the advice to temper our tongues? What is it?! Why do we feel the need to be homogeneous to the degree of sacrificing our talents, opportunities to strengthen our understanding of the world around us, to go outside our bubble and seek other worthy knowledge?  Where did we get the idea that a "good Mormon" defines herself by the perfection of her scrapbook, the freshness of her ground wheat, and the perfect balance between modest and hottest in her wardrobe?  Where did we get the notion that a "good Mormon" is a church mouse?

Well, I went back to church, because I know what I know.  I KNOW God the Father and His Son and the Holy Ghost are three individual beings.  I KNOW that the Book of Mormon is a book of scripture, written by prophets of old.  I am certain that other books containing holy writings will be found across the globe.  I cannot walk away from my church and expect to have this knowledge sustained elsewhere.  I decided to keep going because I don't know enough yet, and I want to be in the service of my Father in Heaven while I'm learning.  I don't have the personal discipline to learn it on my own with nobody guiding me, teaching me, or giving me the opportunity to teach. And now I know that I can go, I can serve, I can do my best and my best is good enough for my Father in Heaven.

And I think maybe that's a tiny portion of where we've gone wrong.  As women, we've forgotten that our best is always good enough for Him.  Sure, sister Jones might think our best is lame...and chances are good if she does think our best is lame, its because it makes her feel inadequate in some way, but so what? Love Sister Jones anyways, help her find out what HER best is, greet her with a friendly smile, and keep walking till you see the next sister that doesn't know why she's there.  Find your passion, chances are good your talents and passions are not what everyone else's are, and that's a GOOD thing! Imagine what a boring world we would live in if all of us really were the Stepford Wives we seem to be trying to create within our social network of church.

I am so glad I watched that video and received the message that Heavenly Father doesn't want me to be just exactly like each one of my RS sisters.  That he wants me to explore my own strengths and talents and then be able to say "and...I'm a Mormon".  That's different, isn't it?  and I feel comfortable again.