Thursday, October 8, 2009

Swimming Against the Current

Lately I've been feeling exhausted.  Mentally, emotionally, physically, just completely exhausted.  I couldn't quite put into words the source of my exhaustion, I only knew that I was tired, and it had something to do with a vague feeling that I was constantly at battle with outside sources.

Then President Monson gave me that "Aha" moment when he said in his closing remarks Sunday something about feeling like we are swimming against the current, and that it is tiring. I breathed a sigh of relief and for the first time when somebody from a pulpit said the words "I Love You" I actually believed I, ME, LISA was being told that somebody understood how I was feeling and that I really was loved.  Just the day before I cried out to my Father in Heaven, more like screamed out at him that if He indeed sees my family's challenges, and indeed loves me, then why would he not do something about it? ( I know, I know, I know.) President Monson's words were like an answer to prayer for me that I am not alone in experiencing the exhaustion of hard work and unrewarded dedication.

But the point of my post this morning is that today, for the first time in weeks, maybe months, I feel relaxed, happy, and energized.  This week I have taken some "personal days" and not ignored responsibility, but done a better job of prioritizing and delegating.  I've given myself some breathing room, I've used the word "no".  I've tried to simplify my expectations of myself.  I've acted promptly when needed, and have accomplished a fair portion, but I've allowed some non-essentials to give way for a few days.  I feel better.  There are some things I would change in a heart-beat if I could, but I can't.  So what do I do?  I find a way to be happy anyways.  I've done it before, I can do it again. Giving myself permission to rest a moment before the next jog upstream is probably the best thing I can do, because I have a sneaking suspicion the current's about to get stronger.


Kristina P. said...

Yeah, we got some news yesterday that sucks. But, I know that things will be OK. I feel very, very strongly that everything is going to work out.

Vanessa said...

I like AHA moments.