church videos

I don't know if its a well known fact, but it is an established fact within my mind that I am not entirely comfortable with media as missionary work.  Its something inside me that is insecure.  I know all the advantages, but I am not secure enough inside to stand up should somebody make fun of me, attempt to engage me in arguments that can't be won, insult me, or otherwise do anything other than click "like".  And yet, on occasion, I do share, and yet have I been persecuted.  But still, I have a gnawing discomfort about it.

So when facebook started showing me side-bar ad's for videos titled "and I'm a Mormon" I really kind of thought to myself, what? Now we're going to attempt to validate ourselves by pointing out famous people who are also Mormon? I thought to myself, aren't we confident enough in our faith that we don't need to go name dropping?  And then some names started popping up that weren't familiar to me. I questioned myself, wondering if I'd really created such a vacuum in my home by turning off cable that I wouldn't recognize these names?  I refused to click.

It turns out I had it all wrong.  Its not about name dropping.  Its about encouraging members of the church to be their talents, their passions, their strengths, and then also being a Mormon. Here's what I found:

Just the right ad popped up.  I don't know what was different about it, maybe because the woman featured didn't "look like a Mormon" (ie: she wasn't wearing multiple layers of jewelry on top of multiple layers of t-shirts topped off with multiple layers of teased hair topped with a giant blossoms posing as cherry on top of that frilly yet modest sundae of fashion...not that the look isn't kinda cute, I actually like it, but you all know exactly the look I'm describing, because 2/3 of your RS showed up to church today dressed like that). Maybe it was because it said she was an artist.  I don't know why I clicked. But I did.

Of course I can't find the video a second time to save my life, or I'd post it here for you to see.  But watching this video, this woman, this artist, she answered for me a deeply smoldering question I hadn't even fully formulated yet.  My question was "why don't I feel like 'one of them'?" The answer is "because that's not what Heavenly Father created you to be.  Earlier in the week I had come to a realization that my social circle at church did not need to be the definition of me.  I have found so much confidence, self acceptance, social acceptance, and happiness outside of my church community lately, that I've really begun to think deeply on what role church plays in my life. I had realized that I didn't need to be struggling to become socially engaged with women I don't fully understand in order to be a "good Mormon".

What does that mean?  I think it means I can take a load off!

Not too long ago I was a week away from never going back to church.  I felt miserable there.  And not for any good reason.  I couldn't put my finger on my unhappiness.  I felt like I was surrounded by unhappiness, by women trying to be something homogeneous and safe and as wholesome as vitamin D milk, who didn't really want to be that.  I felt like I was surrounded by misery, boredom, and women trying to be someone else's idea of what they should be.  I was having conflict because I found something I loved that was exciting, physical, enlightening, energetic, healthy and didn't involve in anyway chocolate, bread dough, whole wheat, or crafting scissors, and I suddenly had no idea how to relate with this group of women on a level other than the gospel.

And then this video clip.

What did she say? I'm not 100% sure, but what I heard was "that image of what I was supposed to be was something I made up! Heavenly father wants me to be me!"

And I got to thinking.  Where in the scriptures does it say put your passions to rest, do not seek to discover your talents, be like everybody else and get along? NO! This is NOT what we're taught! And yet, many women of the church are receiving this message loud and clear.  What are we doing to each other and ourselves that we receive this message, even though this is not the message sent? WHY do we hear this message?  Is it the "anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report" thing? Is it the advice to temper our tongues? What is it?! Why do we feel the need to be homogeneous to the degree of sacrificing our talents, opportunities to strengthen our understanding of the world around us, to go outside our bubble and seek other worthy knowledge?  Where did we get the idea that a "good Mormon" defines herself by the perfection of her scrapbook, the freshness of her ground wheat, and the perfect balance between modest and hottest in her wardrobe?  Where did we get the notion that a "good Mormon" is a church mouse?

Well, I went back to church, because I know what I know.  I KNOW God the Father and His Son and the Holy Ghost are three individual beings.  I KNOW that the Book of Mormon is a book of scripture, written by prophets of old.  I am certain that other books containing holy writings will be found across the globe.  I cannot walk away from my church and expect to have this knowledge sustained elsewhere.  I decided to keep going because I don't know enough yet, and I want to be in the service of my Father in Heaven while I'm learning.  I don't have the personal discipline to learn it on my own with nobody guiding me, teaching me, or giving me the opportunity to teach. And now I know that I can go, I can serve, I can do my best and my best is good enough for my Father in Heaven.

And I think maybe that's a tiny portion of where we've gone wrong.  As women, we've forgotten that our best is always good enough for Him.  Sure, sister Jones might think our best is lame...and chances are good if she does think our best is lame, its because it makes her feel inadequate in some way, but so what? Love Sister Jones anyways, help her find out what HER best is, greet her with a friendly smile, and keep walking till you see the next sister that doesn't know why she's there.  Find your passion, chances are good your talents and passions are not what everyone else's are, and that's a GOOD thing! Imagine what a boring world we would live in if all of us really were the Stepford Wives we seem to be trying to create within our social network of church.

I am so glad I watched that video and received the message that Heavenly Father doesn't want me to be just exactly like each one of my RS sisters.  That he wants me to explore my own strengths and talents and then be able to say "and...I'm a Mormon".  That's different, isn't it?  and I feel comfortable again.

Hello Again

Recently it was brought to my attention that it had been well over 3 months since my last post.  To tell the truth, I was surprised that it had been that short a time! The last three months have been a whirl-wind of activity.  We have learned and grown so much as a family and as individuals.

Looking back on these last many weeks, I can truly see Heavenly Father's hand in our lives and feel so blessed for the opportunities He has brought our way.  The blessings have been so abundant, that for the first time in memorable history, we (me) have been able to recognize the blessings in things that would normally have ruined the day, week, or month in the past.

The lack of blogging has come directly from our nearly full time involvement in planning and preparing for a statewide martial arts tournament.  Having only ever been to one tournament prior, I guess we (JP and I) were not mentally confined to the "traditional" ideas about how to throw a tournament, and we got crazy with an idea, and then the idea became a question, and then the answer to the question became "YES" and then...wow.  I will admit at times I felt thrown into a roll I was not prepared to fill.  But when push came to shove, being urged to move forward and take the lead was the best thing to happen to me, JP, or our marriage, in a very long time.

What did we learn?  We learned that people like to help, and they want to say "YES".  The economy has not put a damper on excitement about new opportunities, unique ideas, or the entrepreneurial spirit.  We learned that small businesses can be incredibly generous, enthusiastic, and kind.  Corporations have a lot of red-tape, and can be difficult to navigate, but can sometimes still come through with surprising levels of generosity.

We learned that there are some amazing things happening in our community.  Downtown Mesa was once a thriving neighborhood and business center, but has been plagued by lack of quality housing to bring services into the downtown area.  The neighborhoods circling the downtown center have had their own challenges, and many businesses have not kept up with the neighborhood's needs, leaving empty real-estate and business' associated with a different quality of life than most would prefer.  But that's all slated to change as Mesa's leadership plans to renovate, rejuvenate, and re-invigorate the downtown area.  And that being a group who seeks to improve the landscape of lives through hard work and discipline, you become a really good fit for groups who seek to change the landscape of lives by literally changing the landscape.

We learned that sometimes you have to make somebody actually tell you "NO".  And that until they've said "no", either they're just putting off disappointing you, or they intend to say "YES" but they need more information before they can confirm their desire to help.

We learned to partner together, to know which one of us has the right attitude, personality, or motivation to get something done.  We've learned that we can trust each other to accomplish the goals we've set, but also that communication, clarification, and consistency are key to accomplishment.  We've discovered that just because Lisa knows what she's talking about, doesn't mean JP has picked up on the same vision and vice-versa.  We've learned to say to the other "This is what I understand you to mean,_______________ is that correct?" (and have discovered at least 50% of the time, one of us has completely misunderstood the other!)

We've learned that we can't make other people share our vision.  We've learned that sometimes safety measures appear to be barriers to success.  We've learned that there is a balance to be met between safety and success.

We've learned that we need not just one checklist, but many.  We have a plan to create a "control binder" of sorts for tournament planning.  That binder is the reason I'm awake right now as thoughts began to flood my brain after I turned the lights out to sleep tonight.

We've learned that sometimes people will make you responsible for their success...and that we cannot shoulder that responsibility.

We've learned that some people will over-invest, others will under-invest, and both will be disappointed in the results.

We've learned that it might be interesting in the future to relay more demographically specific information to help those prone to over investing understand what an appropriate investment might be for a group like ours.

We've learned that when it comes to small businesses, the owner's personality has far more influence on our purchasing decisions than the product.

But we've also learned that Heavenly Father wants to bless us.  That He will bless us, and He will bless our efforts when we are engaged in something unselfish which suits His purposes.  We've learned that He will use anybody willing to do His work, and not just members of any specific church.  We've learned that our peers like us, that hard work is more respected than talent, and that its O.K. to not be 100% the winner 100% of the time, and that joy can be found in the success of others.

We've learned that a dead-battery at the end of a long and exhausting day (week) doesn't have to be a gut-wrenching stress inducing problem, but that we can ask for a jump and be grateful we can make the necessary purchase the next day.  We can be grateful we weren't stuck in a rainstorm, at the side of the road, or in the middle of a bad money month.

Mostly, I think, we've learned to be grateful.  Not just for the success of the tournament, or the blessings of friendship we enjoy, but for each other, our health, and the unique opportunity we found ourselves with this summer.


And speaking of being grateful:
Big thanks go to POOL together, Arizona's first collaborative market (seriously you guys, the day will come that you won't visit the greater Phoenix area without visiting POOL together. Its going to be that cool)
All of the POOL merchants, especially those who made generous sponsorships, and or donations to our silent auction.
Grand Master Han's Martial Arts of Arizona, but also of Arkansas, Tennessee, Missouri, and California, plus other's I can't remember off the top of my head.
Vic Villont for putting in the good word for us at Pepsi Co/Quaker, and Liberty Lumber.
But most especially for all of our friends who let us do what we thought needed to be done without worrying about rank, or experience.  There were a number of times we were not sure if/how we should proceed, we worried that we might step on toes, or be seen to think we were more than we were just because we were having some success with the task at hand.  As it turned out, we were the only one's worried about being too successful.  Which leads me to my final thought: Being fearful of success is a CROCK! and I've been living in that crock a long, long time.  I'm glad the crock has been broken and that lump of stinky cheese has been set free.  Some things just don't get better with age, and fear of success is one of them.

An instance where being somewhat of a packrat has its merits

I have fought long and hard to rid myself of my pack-rat-like tendencies.  Once upon a time I was that kid (who are we kidding, I was that adult too) who could not rid myself of anything I deemed to have any semblance of sentimental value.  It meant I kept things like those cheap glass vases that flowers are purchased in, out of fashion jeans I hoped to fit in one day, and holey-pillow cases that had embroidery on them done by my great-grandmother. (I actually still have a couple of those, I can't throw them away, but I haven't figured out just the right way to reuse them yet.)  I have worked SO hard at improving this aspect of my personality in fact, that I've taken a few items to Goodwill that in retrospect I really wish I hadn't...but I did, so I'm proud of myself. 

However, it seems that this tendency has sneaked into an unexpected avenue.  My FREEZER!

In an effort to be better prepared for home-cooked meals during the week I started doing freezer meals.  You know, those simple, ready to heat and eat, inexpensive, healthy items you can find all over the internet? (my favorite source is Chef Tess because I know I can rely on family friendly flavors and budget friendly ingredients).

Well, as I sat down to make my monthly grocery order (we buy groceries from The Treasure Box, a discount food vendor which goes along way towards creating wiggle room in our family budget) I recalled that my freezer seemed kind of full to me, so I figured I better go inventory it before making a new order.

Yikes! I'm like a squirrel in an oak forest 2 weeks before a deep freeze! After inventorying the freezer I not only realized that I didn't need to buy anything other than fresh fruit and veggies, milk, and cheese for the next two weeks, but that I actually had 23 (yes, 3 WEEKS + worth) pre-prepared meals ready to go for my family.

Needless to say I didn't order any food boxes this month.  But I did sit down immediately and write two weeks worth of dinner menus.  No excuses, we're eating at home this month, and I won't even cause my supply of freezer meals to dwindle into non-existence because I've mixed it up between freshly prepared meals and freezer meals based on the activity schedule.  

The best part is we'll only spend about 20% of our usual grocery budget on groceries for the house this month, which means that when we take our trip at the end of the month we can feel free (both financially and health wise) to just go and enjoy ourselves and eat whatever meals out we need to eat.  

If you're finding yourself too overwhelmed with your family's busy schedule, may I highly recommend spending a little extra time over the next couple of weeks to increase your supply of dinners on hand?  The easiest way to quickly and almost effortlessly get started is to make double quantities of your family's favorite meals over the next couple of weeks.  Serve one portion, freeze the other for a later use.  Good luck! You won't believe how guilt-free you feel when you sit down after an extremely busy day with a home-cooked meal on the table instead of McDonald's wrappers.  And guess what?  If it hasn't been that busy of a day but you could really use some free-time to go swim with the kids, or take a nap, this is a great way to make that time available.

When Guam tips over...

When Guam tips over...
maybe I'll like lima beans.
perhaps I'll be able to buy beach front property, possibly even in AZ.
and we'll all be able to trust the government. Or, really, I guess not, since it will be their fault that Guam tipped over, even though they claimed to not anticipate that happening.

My Netflix top 10 suggestions

Here is a recent Netflix Top 10 Suggestions list for me.

Future Weapons, Season 2
I Carly, Season 1
An American Tale
Kipper
Pingu
Call of the Wild
Discovery Channel "Stealth Technology"
Carrier (a military documentary)
Maxed Out (another documentary, this time about debt and the disappearing middle class)
and
Everest, Beyond the Limit, season 1


What does this tell you about who's actually doing the netflix watching around here?

(Dis)Enchanted

During a dinner at my inlaws with a couple of missionaries last week a funny story came to mind about an old college room-mate.  In retrospect, it probably wasn't the best story to tell a 21 year old getting ready to head home in 4 days, but then again, at least now he's prepared!

I went to BYU for one whopping whole semester.  I didn't love it there.  I had a hard time finding my niche.  My room-mates were actually mostly great, except for the one that I actually shared a room with, she wasn't always very nice, and as it turns out, very sane.  But it took me a while to figure out that she wasn't just PMSing as she'd always blame her unkind moments on, but that she was a total and complete whack job.

What finally clued me in?

The following little adventure.

It all started with a calendar countdown.  You know the kind where a specific date is circled heavily in brightly colored ink and each preceding day is carefully marked off with an X through the box. I'm assuming she had started the countdown about 22 months before I met her.  The calendar was hanging in our room from the day she moved in.  Each night she would mark the calendar, every week she would write a letter, every day she would check the mail.  She was a girl in love! And she was waiting for her man on a mission.  

She told me all about him, how funny and cute he was, how she just couldn't wait for him to get home and start planning their wedding.  She had bridal magazines with pages torn out of the cutest dresses, she knew exactly which ring she wanted, where to get it and how much he'd have to save to purchase it for her.  She had already picked the colors for her bridesmaids, and flower arrangements.  She had decided which part of town she wanted to live in, how many babies they'd have and what he'd do for a living! She had everything down except for the actual proposal which she fully expected upon his exit of the airplane he would arrive home in.

The day drew near and she began to plan a road-trip home to Denver.  It was a several hours long drive, and not really dangerous, but being young and not an experienced driver, she didn't want to make the trip alone.  I had never been to Denver before, so I said "heck yeah! I'm in!" We packed the car, filled up the tank and set out on the road to Denver.  I drove her car most of the way while she freaked out about it being illegal to travel in the left lane...I still have no idea she was talking about!  But she was definitely too nervous to drive, she was about to be proposed too after all by the man of her dreams!

We arrived in Denver about 1:00am, let ourselves in to her mother's house, got some sleep and prepared ourselves for the big day.  The next morning we woke late and ate pancakes made by her mom and then began to prepare for our big excursion to the airport.  She had signs, flowers, balloons, and a belated Valentine bear complete with cheesy red-satin heart to give her love.  We were on the countdown and it was down to hours.  

I began to realize that something wasn't quite right when she started frantically trying to figure out who to contact to find out what time his flight arrived.  I kind of figured he would have sent her that information if he was intending on proposing at the airport!  (of course she said she wasn't supposed to know that he was going to do this, it was supposed to be a surprise.)  She made phone call after phone call after phone call.  Nobody seemed to really have the information she was looking for, or maybe they just weren't volunteering it, I'm not sure.  Finally after I don't even know how many phone calls, she was able to get one person to talk to her.  That person told her that she had missed his arrival by plane and that he was now home with his family. I honestly have no idea what else that person said to her, but I have sneaking suspicion that they at least intimated that she should leave him alone, but no, this was her missionary and they were getting married! Somehow she knew his address, I'm not exactly sure how, maybe a friend of a friend, or something.  Keep in mind here that I had only just begun to get suspicious, I didn't KNOW anything wasn't the way she said it was, I had just begun to realize that things weren't really adding up.  But away we went, off to the young man's home to pay a visit and witness the most romantic thing that ever happened...a "fresh from the mission, haven't even been released yet" marriage proposal. (That the girl had to hunt down the returned proposed groom for by way of dozens of phone calls.)

I'll never forget pulling up to the curb as she practically leaped from passenger side, the car just barely put into park.  Her arms were full with all her gifts, her palms were sweaty (we laughed about the cheap white Valentine Bear fur sticking to her hands), her blonde curly hair poofy and bangs perfectly formed into the much coveted and often copied "Claw" hairdo of the late 80's/early 90's.  I'm pretty sure her jeans came all the way up to her ribcage, and that was totally cool.

She stood at the door, rang the bell and was greeted by someone I couldn't see.  ( I had been asked to stay in the car since this was such a private moment between her and her expected fiancé.)  She entered the home, was gone about 10 minutes, and then came bursting out in a mad dash covered in black mascara streaking down her face, sobbing like a girl who just found out her fiancé was a lying, cheating, scum-maggot.

It took a while, but she finally calmed down enough to tell me what happened inside the house.

The returned missionary was there, just as handsome as she remembered.  Only he didn't remember her.

He had apparently opened one of her very first letters and as a new missionary thought it was great to get a letter and wrote her back, but apparently at some point had begun throwing away her letters without opening them. (I'm guessing she said something that weirded him out, you think?) She was madder than a hornet and was ranting and raving and cussing him out and acting quite decidedly as though he were one of the devil's minions and that his mission had done him no good at all.  

At some point I asked her "how long did you guys date?"  She said "we didn't really date, we just kind of had a connection, but we never went on an actual date." I'm sure I asked her several other questions, but what I remember most about the whole story was the bombshell confession she laid on me only 2 hours into our trip back to Provo. SHE HAD ONLY EVER DANCED ONE SINGLE DANCE WITH THE GUY AT A YOUTH DANCE THREE YEARS EARLIER! THERE WAS NEVER ANY RELATIONSHIP!

So what's the moral of this story?  If you're a young man on a mission and getting strange letters from girls you don't know...fully expect her to show up at your house when you get home looking for a ring! AND when you're away at college, if you go on a road-trip with a room-mate you didn't really like in the first place, expect it to get weird.  There's a reason you didn't like her.

Stupidity

Would be watching the documentary by the same name and not realizing that you were indeed being mocked.
What started out as a fun explanation as to why humans purposefully choose to do stupid things, like be highly entertained by movies such as Jackass, and sit in front of the boob-tube for hours at the end of a long workday made an ugly turn.  Suddenly I found myself being accused of purposefully choosing to be stupid by questioning the reality of global warming. (There is at least as much scientific evidence against it as there is for it, how is it stupid to question the findings on either side?) and even further more being presented with the idea (stated as fact of course) that choosing to believe in a religion, ANY religion, is the very definition of stupid.

Offended yet?  Me too.  Only apparently being offended by any of the above is absolute proof that I am a moron.

Oh well.  I'd rather fool myself into believing that there is hope for the world, that humanity is intrinsically good, and that there is a plan for my life than be fooled into thinking the only hope for the future is that stupid people will die.  I truly wonder, what would the makers of this 'documentary' even do with themselves if all the stupid people did die?  They'd have nothing to sit on their soap-boxes about.