Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Cavemom tips for finding the perfect house

We've been renting the past two years here in AZ and we've learned a thing or two about what Cave People want in a house.  For starters; we basically want a cave.


I think not.

We live in Arizona.  The summer heat hits 112 regularly.  A dark, mostly windowless cave would probably suit us quite well, especially given Mr. Cave Hair's penchant for daytime sleeping.

In addition, a cave provides sound barriers that a home located adjacent to a main thoroughfare, not far from a freeway on-ramp and a convenience store could really benefit from.  You ask what on earth does a main thoroughfare, a freeway on-ramp, and a convenience store have in common with requiring sound barriers?  Think police (yes, I am aware that I'm making a generalization about police everywhere my stating that my home's proximity to a convenience store is related to the number of police that go screaming past my house at 2:00am...and I don't care, its a well-informed generalization.)----sirens/speeding/flashing red and blue lights.  These things have a tendency to wake sleeping bears, or hairs, or whatever.  A couple of times a week I find myself contemplating such things as the  intricate melodies of Robert "Tin Tin" Duffy's "Kiss Me With Your Mouth" and wondering why he felt it necessary to explain that it is your MOUTH he wants to be kissed with, as opposed to some other body part? All due to speeding cars and flashing lights and screaming sirens.  Sure, they're gone in no time flat, but the wakened Cave Mom is none too quick to return to what was probably a fitful sleep to start with.

Finally, a cave generally has sufficient sub-caves which theoretically would provide sufficient space for entertaining, sleeping, meal preparation, and food storage.  While the average house could potentially offer each of these things, the Cavehair's have yet to find just the perfect combination in what would be deemed the "affordable" range.

Of course a cave wouldn't be perfect, there are dirt floors to contend with, and those pesky stalactites hanging from the ceiling...I'm sure Mr. Cavehair would love those just as much as he loved the last chandelier we had. (and by chandelier, I mean the cheap-o brass'n'glass octagonal hanging light that was found in the dining area of the last home we lived in.)  Plumbing could be an issue, as could keeping creatures like woolly mammoth's out of the living room.  There's also that whole "living on a cliff" thing that I was never really that fond of.

Well, the good news is, we've still got a year and a half in the current abode, its not even time to be looking again yet, but one thing is for sure...THANK HEAVENS WE ONLY RENTED THIS PLACE! (Which has also come with as many positive attributes as negative, primarily the ability for the kids and I to go about our business every day without waking the sleeping Cave Bear.)


The Wixom Zoo said...

Hahaha! You make me laugh! :)

Jillene said...

Well--I hope that when the time comes, you will be able to find a house suitable for all of you cave people!! (0: