Saturday, March 14, 2009

two possible lessons to learn from this

So, by the name of our family blog here, you may have gathered that we are not famous for fabulous hair. As a rule, we as a family have squirrely, crazy, uncooperative hair. We have found some products that help tame the "Cave-iness" out of it, but this morning I didn't use any.

You all have seen pictures of Lily with her cave-hair. Even freshly combed, one 3 minute ride in the carseat later, and it looks like pidgeons have roosted in it. (we test this theory every Sunday morning, and in fact, it takes only 3 minutes to go from adorable to horrible...the exact same amount of time it takes to get from our driveway to the chapel doors.)

This morning, Lily got a finger-comb through her hair, a pair of jeans (clean, not handmedowns) and sweatshirt (clean, and not a handmedown), and a perfectly horrible pair of "princess" ugg type boots we paid 3 dollars for at walmart that she has worn into a horrible, stained, Ugg-ly mess. For the record, I hate them and find them innappropriate for public viewing, but they are her favorite...thus the condition...and its Saturday and if she wants to put on her princess boots, who cares?

We went to McDonalds to play with cousins at the play-place, we walked into the children's area, frankly looking quite a bit cleaner than some of the other patrons, but still in Saturday morning, "A finger comb is good enough" mode.

Lily walked past an old man who was having breakfast with his wife (at McDonalds, in the Children's play area on a Saturday---lets keep this in mind) and I see him look at Lily, shake his head, look at his wife and say "i'd be surprised if she even has underpants on." I looked at him, shocked, and said "She's mine, she does have panties on, and they are even clean, thank you very much." Then I turned around, totally and completely mortified to be on the recieving end of that kind of criticism.

So here are my two options for lessons learned:
A: Never EVER leave the house without perfectly coifed children. Clean clothes are not enough, hair must be done. If I know 3 minutes can destroy the "do", keep a comb, curl-enhancer, and spray-mister with water in my purse at all times. (which I have actually considered doing from time to time.) Don't enter public places unless cave-hair has been tamed.


B: Be a little less judgemental of others when I see dirty kids running around after school or on a Saturday. Maybe, it really is just Saturday afterall and the condition of the kids at mcDonald's on a Saturday morning bears no reflection on their homelife.

In the end, when the man left, Jp very politely approached him and said "I think you owe my wife an apology"...and the man very kindly offered one, agreeing that he had spoken out of place and had forgotten where he was when he made his remark. I accepted the apology, but I still feel really embarrassed. Partly because I knew I hadn't put much effort into looking appropriate for going out in public, and partly because I know I am guilty of being critical of other mother's in public.

What if I've said something that hurt another mother the way I felt hurt today?

It's a terrible feeling.


SO said...

Wow. Even if I think things like this I would never say it out loud. And I rarely ever think things like that. I have a six year old who dresses herself. I'm sure that there have been judgments made because of this. So I try to cut people some slack.

Tana said...

I know I say things I wish I could take back later, but I always feel justified when I've been wronged. Funny huh. You are good to look on both sides. I'd still be harboring a grudge.

Housewife Savant said...

There's something to be said about your composure in light of the old man's rudeness.
No amount of Cave Hair warrants such inappropriateness.
Did "Old Man Beat Down" cross your mind?

Seriously; way to go.

Thank you for sharing. Lessons indeed.

The Sartori's said...

I comb Boston's hair and it still looks like a rat nest after it rubs on the car seat. What a jerk and a perv. Good for you and JP

Heatherlyn said...

You know, I liked this woman in my ward who had like, 8 kids at the time (she has 10 now) but I always wondered at why she didn't always brush the little ones' hair or sometimes they didn't even have shoes at church. (The woman always looked perfect, and the older kids could take care of themselves.)

Well, now I have 5 kids. And I so "get it". I am a LOT less judgmental, even though I wasn't ever mean about it. But I understand the whole ugly-shoes that the kids LOVE to pieces (literally), the brushing the hair and fixing it cute every OTHER day. Yep. I get it. :)

Bee and Rose said...

My 6 year old always looks like a hot mess! lol! My tween caveboy likes to rock the long skater hair so we are always getting comments from people about that!

Good for you for telling old dude that wasn't nice! Props, sister!

Anonymous said...

My kids rarely look "perfect" when we go out. We do have lots of hand-me-downs, and the girls like to do their own hair (only one is really capable of it). Often one or more kid has major food residue on their face that I did not notice before leaving the house.

And you know, I never think a thing of it until we step into a store, I take a second look at them and I DO start to think about what I'd think of other kids who look just like that. Thankfully no one has ever made a comment, but you still know the thoughts are there. We do just need to give each other more of a break.

tiburon said...

Wowsa - not really sure what to say. I know I make those judgments all the time too!

I am always telling my kids they look like orphans!