Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Away with Toxicity!

My mom always had to remind me "You're not one of the adults" when I was a child. I was in such a hurry to be all grown up and in charge and whatever else I thought came along with being all grown up. Ironically, it seems like it took me especially long to become actually grown up.


Yesterday was a "grown-up" day. I've had them before and they always appear to be difficult and end up being easy. And ALWAYS, they end with a feeling of relief. It happened when we said "no" to buying a car from a family member, it happens every pay check when we pay off debts instead of go to Disneyland (although I am determined to make that happen this year...but the kids would rather go to Sea World...obviously they've never been to Disneyland!). But today was unique because I had not one, but two opportunities to be grown up. The first opportunity was to give a professional and courteous two weeks notice to my boss, when a good portion of me wanted to storm in there, throw my keys at him and tell him if he's so smart he can figure it out for himself. But I knew it would be better not to burn any bridges. My kids are friends with his kids, his wife is a sweetheart, and she's the one who's hurt the most by my leaving. (her 35 hour week just turned into a 60 hour week without pay.) But the work environment had become toxic for me. I was experiencing nightmares, dwelling on percieved injustices, and bringing my grumpy butt home to my family. Toxic.

My second opportunity to be grown up was to cut off a needy-selfish, (and as it turns out)lying "friend". I use quotations around friend because I've just never really been into this relationship. I generally trust people too easily and I have had my guard up with this woman since the day I met her...that tells me something. It was one of those emotionally exhausting things where you get off the phone, or leave the park and realize "wow, I totally did not enjoy that." And yet, she kept coming around, and I kept answering the calls because I didn't want to be that person who just ducked out and didn't actually say "this isn't working for me anymore." But I did chicken out a little, I did let JP take some of the blame (with his permission and even encouragement). Ironically, the proverbial "last straw" was the thing she called for my advice (or rather JP's advice) on. She's been accused of using another person's credit card without permission. While she can say "I just don't think I could have done this" and "There's no way I can believe I would do something like this" and "I have racked my brain, and I just can't remember a time when there would be something like this that I would have done", she can't seem to say "I absolutely did not do this." JP told me "cut it off now, they never would have summoned her if they weren't absolutely positively sure they've got the right person."...When I told her that I couldn't accept her calls anymore or meet her at the park with the kids anymore her response was "so...since I did this, we can't be friends anymore?" I felt that was her confession right there, and not only do I not want to hang around with somebody that would cause concern for the safekeeping of my valuables, there's the whole possibility of future background checks concern. I don't need to have any "known associations" if you catch my drift.

Its funny, I thought it would be difficult to do these things. But, as always, it turned out to be simple, and left me feeling good. Two Toxic Relationships...GONE! And I feel GOOD.

10 comments:

Erin said...

This kind of day would have probably caused a panic attack for me the morning of, but I know I would have felt relief afterward. Good for you, being true to yourself and getting rid of the toxicity.

Kristina P. said...

Good for you!

That "friend" sounds delusional!

Lara said...

Wow! What a day! I would have had a panic attack like Erin. Good for you, though. It is excellent to rid our lives of such things and now there's nowhere to go but up!

clan of the cave hair said...

well, none of it was easy, just worth doing. No nightmares last night! (for the first time in weeks)

tammy said...

Good for you! I've hung on to relationships and jobs that I should've gotten out of a lot earlier than I did. It really does feel good to feel clean of that!

ramsam said...

You are making such huge changes! You know what was weird, I felt like our whole world shifted when we got on track financially. I know it sounds so cheesy, but life just got better all the way around- and things changed fast!

I wish I could go to the park with you and your kids. I have never used someone elses credit card to commit fraud! I promise!

Jillene said...

Good for you!! You don't need people like that in your life--evah!!

Heatherlyn said...

You always know you did the right thing when you feel better afterward!

Vanessa said...

I have some toxicity around me lately. It's causing me too much stress and affecting my relationships. I need get rid of it! Thanks for being a good example!

Hartson family said...

Big steps, happy endings. So glad to hear you're making the hard decisions and realizing how essential they are to your happiness! Great Job Grown-Up!