Tuesday, October 7, 2008

parenting's most embarassing moments

We all have those moments as parents when we wish we could just disappear. The problem is, we almost never CAN just disappear. Here is a decade old story about a certain 2 year old who will remain semi-anonymous. Lets just call her "Og" that sounds like a good Cave Hair name.

So, "Og" was 2 and it was time to potty train. I've never been one for pull-ups, I think they give the kids a sort of "permission" to have accidents and prolong the training period. So, when potty training a two year old, I always carry along extra panties, but what, oh what do you do when "Og" has already splashed through the 3 extra sets you brought and you're still waiting in an excruciatingly slow Dr's office for another child's checkup? You let "Og" go commando...yes that's right, bunderless. This can present a problem when "Og" is wearing a dress. In particularly, because if "Og" were to say, have a bowel movement while dressed ( or not dressed) in this manner there would be nothing to hold it in,up off the floor.

So, I will admit, that I am not always right on top of what my children are doing at any given moment. I have been known to pick up a magazine and read it while my children are playing in a play area, and that is exactly what I was doing this fine day when I started smelling an awful smell. I checked my shoes, nothing there, must be my imagination. I returned to my reading. Then a horrible ruckus errupted next to me when a small child threw a memorable temper tantrum because she wanted to go play in the play area. The father insisted that she could NOT play over there, no matter what. Finally, after much persistence the child demanded to know why, and the father said, quite loudly, "Because somebody POOPED OVER THERE". I went running over to grab my own fragile children away from the area where some disgusting child pooped on the floor only to find one clothed in a rather wet dress. Yes, the one who was going commando! ( which, frankly, I had forgotten about)Oh shoot, Oh shoot, this did not happen...oh yes it did! The lovely 12" turd laying on the floor of the pediatricians play area shared DNA with my lovely "Og". Off to the ladies room to clean up. We had nothing left but a baby blanket to wear. No underwear, no diaper, no dress. Just a baby blanket. But "Og"s older sister needed to see the Dr. We couldn't reschedule. So we re-entered the waiting room, dressed roman style in a baby blanket just in time to see a disembodied hand reach through a station at the service counter to distribute a lengthy spray of Lysol disinfectant and air-freshener into the waiting room. I don't know who picked up the poop, it was gone when I came back for it. Obviously everybody knew it was me, obviously everybody could see that I was ill-prepared for an all day outing with a potty training two year old, and obviously I wanted to crawl under the chair and die.
But I didn't.

10 comments:

Lisa said...

OMG, L, that's hysterical! Not only could I see the turd but I swear I could smell it. lol Did you share this one at work??!! I don't recall...though I do remember your preggo belly :)

Erin said...

Sometimes I feel as parents we should wear a sign that says, "I'm a mom. I left my pride at home."

Glad to hear you survived to tell the tale!

Jillene said...

Hahahahahahahaha!!!! That is HILARIOUS!! I am glad that my daughter's was just pee--at least for now!!

Lisa said...

I'm sure I must have shared this one at work, but then again, I was so humiliated (ironically more so by the disembodied hand spraying air-freshener than by the 12" turd lying on the floor) I might have kept it to myself at the time!

Brittany said...

LOL!
At least now you can embarrass her in front of her dates with "Remember when you pooped on the floor in the doctor's office?"

Kristina P. said...

My mom loves to tell the story of when I was a baby, and I had explosive diarrhea at the movie theater at BYU. She said it was everywhere, and everyone could smell it.

I'm sure I'll be paid back in kind, someday.

Mommy Madness said...

What a story! I could totally see my two year old doing that!

Kristina P. said...

Lisa, where have you been, woman? Is a picture of a half naked man wearing teddy bear underwear not enough for you?

I have so many Lisas who post now, that I thought the past couple who posted were you. And then I read my comments, and saw that they weren't.

Lisa said...

no, you just didn't pick me for your giveaway, so i decided to boycott for a few days...actually, I guess your blog wasn't updating on my list, so I wondered where YOU were! oh, and congratulations on joining the rest of normal society and becoming a fan of "The Office" i was a late bloomer too, but once I tried it, Iiii like't it.

Whitney R said...

LOL! 12 INCHES?? Really? from your two year old?


Jealous.